


Backslide

by rosethorn (dracoangelica)



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-20
Updated: 2012-04-20
Packaged: 2017-11-03 23:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/387245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoangelica/pseuds/rosethorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Emmett fell off the wagon</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It took me several moments to realize what I had done. In my arms lay a man, his head hanging from the bits of bone and gristle that once was his throat. In my mouth, I tasted the purest ambrosia that no creature of four legs could have ever provided. My hands clutched his lifeless form like steel bands holding up the bridge on which I squatted.  
Bridge? Sweet mother of Jesus.  
I stared down in my state of shock, my arms locked around a thin man, whose clothing was so torn from his struggle and stained with the proof of his humanity that identification would be impossible. At that moment, I felt fear as I had never felt it before. Again I wondered in my panic: what had I done?  
I heard her before she got near. Rose. _Oh my god_ , my mind shouted louder, what had I done? I looked up, the phantom beating of my heart pounding in my ears. Rose, my beautiful angel of redemption; she would soon see the monster in its blood covered form.  
"Emmett? Where did you—" I braced for impact. She stopped short of the bridge, her amber eyes growing wide where she stood. Even in the midnight black of this country side, she could see the macabre sight, smell the blood that covered me as I stood, shaking. Should I run? Would she scream? Did she understand that I hadn't meant to?  
"Rose..," I faltered, staring at her eyes. I closed my mouth tightly, feeling the blood from my fingers drip onto the ground and pool around my feet. In my state of shock, sound that was once loud was impossible to tune out. Each **drip** was the ticking of a giant grandfather clock, and Rose was an angel standing out to guard the populace below. She was a statue in her own shock, not moving a muscle. Yet even though fear and anguish gripped her, she was exquisite in the moonlight. Her long, gold hair was unbraided and free. Her mouth was tight, and I knew that what I had done had changed us forever. We were alone, she and I. Alone on our first honeymoon…and I, I had ruined everything.  
"Emmett…" She also could not speak. Then, bravely, she stepped forward, the sound of her step on the wooden bridge echoed over the wild Scottish moor, the sound also enhanced by my shocked senses. "Emmett, we have to get rid of the body."  
Her words did not register. I only heard her steps, afraid of what her words would be. As she came closer, not touching me, I backed away, at a loss.  
"Rose, I'm sorry. I didn't—"She was knelling beside the corpse now and when I spoke her head snapped up.  
"Not one word Emmett Cullen." She hissed. I flinched. Her mouth trembled, and her tone softened. "Explanations later."  
She lifted the man easily, one arm underneath his torso, and the other under his limp knees. His body was badly torn from my attack. There was a **thud** and I picked up his head, as it broke from its source with a sickening tear. Rose glanced at me and shuddered. I felt shame tighten my throat and I looked away. She turned gracefully and took off towards a small wooden glen we had passed two miles back. I flipped the head neck up so as not to leave so incriminating a trail. In the seconds that we ran, my head began to clear. We would have to leave this place—one never knew if it was the hunting ground of another of our kind…and the few she and I had run into were not keen on sharing their land.  
I watched her as she sprinted forward. Even though the man in her delicately shaped arms was larger than she, she still moved as if she held nothing more than a bag of feathers. However, these feathers were bleeding on her shirt, and I had to look away, knowing that she had bought the clothing she wore to impress me.  
It took five minutes to find a tree large enough to bury the corpse under. We worked quickly, burying the remains and then replanting a tree to hide the ground that was now this stranger's grave. However, the moment the last dirt pile was settled, Rose turned towards me. I stood waiting, ready for her screams and her condemnation. That was not what happened.  
Her arms were around me in an instant, and her face buried in my shoulder. I believe that if she had been capable of tears, they would have fallen down her fair face. I squeezed her tightly, and shook in her arms. We stood still, very still…for several minutes…or maybe they were hours. The knowledge that she did not hate me for what I had done was all that I could process, so time was unimportant.  
Finally though, the moment of reassurance passed and Rose began to form words. "Why Emmett…" She cried, her voice broken against my chest. "You swore that you wouldn't drink the blood of a human!" She pulled back, her divine countenance twisted with anguish. I hung my head, and her fingertips brushed against my lips. I knew she was wiping away the blood of the slaughtered man.  
"I..don't…know." I confessed. The images of the events blew through my mind in a flurry. "One moment I passed by that bridge, the next, I was drinking." I held her around her waist. I wanted her to understand how strong my urge was. "I _couldn't_ stop Rose. I tried." I felt frustration. "I promise…" Again, I hung my monstrous head. "I tried."  
In a moment of tragedy, time does interesting things. For some it stops all together while their brains dissect the information thrown into its receivers. Others feel as if time has warped forward to a place where they are no longer in control. For myself, it was a war that began in my brain and strained against all of the bindings that my will could present. I was afraid, afraid because of how much I had hungered for that man's blood. Before, when I had taken my oath to abstain from the damning substance, it had seemed a trivial thing. Animals were satisfying in their own ways, and always I had kept Rosalie, my angel, to the very front of my mind. However it hadn't taken long. Honestly, I hadn't really considered much about the kill other than it was necessary.  
That was when the anger began to blossom. I opened my mouth then, unable to keep these realizations and thoughts to myself. "Rose." I began, and her eyes closed at the sound of her name. I couldn't help myself, I began to speak quickly. "Rose, I had to. And maybe it is good that I have. I've never understood the restriction before now. And darling you must understand how _fulfilling_ it is." I shook her slender frame then and her eyes flickered with fear. However, Rosalie is a brave woman and she was not frightened by my ill-begotten strength. Instead she did something that she's never done before. She slapped me.  
I let her go instantly, ashamed of what I'd said, but unwilling to ignore what had happened. She turned away before I could speak and went off onto her own rant of suppressed rage. "Emmett, you cannot tell me that that man deserved to die so that you could be taught the pleasures of blood!" She turned around, her movements faster than a mortal could comprehend and the flow of words continued. "When you married me you swore! You told me you understood! If you could tell me now that it was worth it to break the-" I had to stop her before she said something dangerous. So I caught her and kissed her. It was not a gentle and loving kiss, but instead a consuming and possessive one. She pushed against me and tried to hurt me with her nails, but I stood still, enduring the struggle. Finally she relaxed and I pulled my face from hers.  
"Rose. Shut up and listen for a minute. I love you. I am sorry. I'm a worthless sack of shit and I don't deserve you. So stand still and let me explain what I did." Her eyes were beams of fury that could not be concealed but she did not struggle from my arms. I looked over my shoulder back to the place where we'd hidden the body. I instinctively took a deep breath, surprised by how the remaining traces of the blood could still burn my throat. "There was no resisting that smell Rose. It was not the normal temptation." I looked at her and made sure she was listening. She was. "It was as if someone had waved my mother's apple pie underneath my nose and handed me a fork with a glass of milk. It was as if-" I searched for words to make her understand the intensity—"as if YOU had stepped out of a wood clothed in nothing but your wet hair." Her eyes were not locked with mine and the realization of my need finally dawned on her.  
"I've heard of something like that before." She finally whispered, looking ashamed now of the fight we'd had. "Father told me of a time when he'd seen the same thing. I don't remember what it is called but…" I waited tense for her final words. "I believe you."  
I sighed out my anxiety. It was all I was probably going to get from her tonight and that was good enough for me. "I feel terrible about it you know." I whispered into her hair, pulling her close again and locking her in my arms. She did not protest and I was gratified to feel her body press against mine. "It was wrong what I did…and I'm sorry I hurt you."  
She bit my ear then and I pulled back, surprised. She gave me a smile, and then a sad nod of her head.  
"It was terrible what you did." She said gravely. "But that is going to have weigh on you. I can see that it will." I winced, surprised that she was so intuitive about the way I felt. She continued. "But for now Emmett, let's just get out of this place. I want to rest. The night has been long.  
We turned away from that man's grave then, and we did not look back. It was hours before we found a hostel in the cloudy dawn. We bought a room and lay in that bed for hours, holding one another. I basked in her forgiveness and she said nothing. That was okay though. When you're in love, sometimes, no words are really needed.


	2. Competition

It was like a burning rush that ran from the back of my tongue to the pit of my stomach. My eyes were covered in a film of red and my skin, granite hard, suddenly felt soft, as it were cotton. It was as if I had stepped into a chili-fest of spice. I inadvertently swallowed and the fire spread. I closed my eyes, inhaling as if I'd inhaled a sweet new brew from my brother's old shine still.  
I took a step and then hit the ground. I growled, furious, not myself any longer. It was all consuming, this deed to go forward and kill. Not kill as in murder, but the instinctive kill to feed.  
"Emmett! Get a hold of yourself!" Edward's voice did nothing but aggravate me. I threw him off, turning towards the whiff of heavenly wine. I was soon cuddly with a tree as my brother drove his shoulder into my side. The crack was enormous, and my fury only rose.  
Edward's icy hands came around my shoulder, and using his speed and momentum; he tossed me farther into the woods. Several cracks later, and I was covered with four of the oaks. My snarl frightened away the deer we'd been hunting and I was soon covered in branches and leaves. Edward planted himself onto my chest, his iron-firm hands locking my wrists into place.  
"Gerroff!" I shouted, struggling frantically, however, the pine and resin of the trees were beginning to mask the smell, and as it faded, my lust did as well. I threw him off, but he seemed to sense that I was out of the danger zone now and didn't attempt another attack. I stood, keeping my back to him. I brushed myself off and grunted my fists clenched.  
I took in several deep breaths of pine-filled air and let out the burn with each exhale.  
"I'm sorry..." I grunted, embarrassed by my show. I rubbed a hand over reddened eyes and brushed the leaves out of my hair. Edward came back to my side, and shrugged nonchalantly, as if he saved his brother-in-law's honor every day.  
"You have to recover is all." I nodded, grim. After a minute I sighed. After the honeymoon in Europe, I'd told Edward of what had happened, of my lack of control. He seemed to understand the feeling very well, and had volunteered to take me away for a while to build up my stamina again. I hadn't been willing, but then Edward suggested that my lack of eagerness was from the knowledge that he would beat me and then...well, let's just say that when put that way, it was a challenge that I knew I could never back down from.  
"Rose would be proud," he broke out, patting some of the pine splinters off my back. I rubbed my face as he mentioned her name. Things between us had become strained lately. She was so concerned about my control that it was beginning to chafe. I had been used to a life of my own will, and with Rose now, I was adjusting to thinking of more than myself. It wasn't that I didn't love her; because I loved her more than my own existence...it was just that sometimes she...  
"Pries worse than Esme?" Edward suggested helpfully. I grinned and then clapped him on the back, all fury forgotten in the lull of self-control.  
"She means well, you know," I said, unable to let the quip go by without some sort of defense.  
"I know," Edward confirmed simply. "However it doesn't help you learn your limits if you are constantly worried about her reaction to all that you do. She's pushy. Its why we love her."  
I grinned, thinking of how pushy could be so very good. Especially…  
"Emmett! Mind your thoughts, please," Edward groused, hitting my arm. I laughed, rubbing the limb as we left our site of confrontation. Edward cocked his head as we walked, obviously listening for anymore humans in the area.  
"Wanna hunt?" he asked as we crossed a stream. I shook my head, ridding my hair of the last traces of sawdust.  
"Na. I want to see where my limits are!" I cried. I glared at him. "I can do this you know." I insisted, leaping onto a rock and stepping onto the ground. "You said you were timing me." I insisted.  
Edward hid a smile and then nodded. "So I did. Well, it's been two days, if you were curious." I nodded, feeling the burn. Rose never had insisted that I abstain before. She was too eager to feed me and take care of that which had been dropped into her lap.  
Ok, so she said something like gift instead of drop, but I still consider the entire encounter to have been dumb luck.  
Anyway, before the honeymoon, we'd kept our hunting up to a daily thing. Rose was different from the rest of us in that she clung so fiercely to her own humanity that stealing the lives of other never appealed to her., so neither of us dreamed I would. I didn't know how swee-  
Sharp pain blossomed in my shin. I scowled. "What?" I cried, glaring. Edward rolled his eyes.  
"Thinking about it doesn't help it Emmett." I rubbed my leg and glared some more. He was so nosy.  
"That's why you want me here," he reminded dryly. I sighed and then looked away, walking deeper away from civilization. Edward followed silently behind me. My own little mind-reading ghost.  
"Hey now. I am hardly a specter," he interjected rudely. I looked over my shoulder at the man.  
"I dunno...pale skin, pretty features." I ducked the swing this time, grabbing his arm and holding him still in a wrestler's move my older brother had taught me. I squashed his face purposely into the dirt and leaves that covered the forest floor, laughing. "Though ghosts aren't as much fun to throw!" I told him, rubbing his face into the ground. Despite his experience, I was still stronger than he was, and despite his mind reading, I was also less premeditated than he was.  
I let him go though, ducking any oncoming blow. It didn't come and I glanced up. Edward was wiping the dirt from his face and chuckling, shaking his head as he did. "You know, Carlisle never randomly sat on me like you do Emmett," he confessed. I grinned, my mind fully away from the thought of blood.  
"Thank you," I said, a big smile breaking. Smiles had been pretty rare at home lately, and the idea that I was doing something right helped keep it there.  
"Welcome. Sure you don't want to do some hunting?" he asked, brushing himself off again. "Because there is a bear about three miles to the west." I chuckled, shaking my head.  
"Edward, I haven't see a bear since the one that tried to end me." Edward grinned, his eyes flashing with anticipation.  
"What's wrong? Afraid it'll get you? Mess up your pretty face so that Rose won't want you any more?" he asked, his tone goading. I bristled, my hand turning into a fist.  
Edward continued on, stepping backward, his voice taunting again. "Or maybe, maybe you're just...afraid," he hissed. I growled and took off after him as he ran.  
I might have been stronger than my brother-in-law, but he was definitely faster than I was. We made the three miles in a matter of seconds, and Edward launched himself forward as we entered a clearing. There he was. Big, brown, ugly and mean, the first bear I'd ever laid eyes upon since my fateful change.  
I didn't freeze, but I didn't exactly attack either. Edward seemed to sense my hesitation though, and didn't strike to kill. Instead, with a brutality that I'd begun to realize was instinctive to what I'd become, he knocked the bear flat, and zoomed backwards, letting it see me.  
I took a step back at its roar of anger and pain. I hadn't been human for almost three years, yet old human prejudices die hard. I smelled the blood then, the blood that flowed from where Edward had injured it. The venom began to flow in response, hot and poisonous in my mouth.  
I launched forward and began the wrestling match of my life. The fight with the animal was primal, more than that...it was instinctive. I roared and let loose, feeling its heartbeat as I fought, smelling the fear and anger that rolled off its dirty fur. The body had strength, much more than the man did. This prey resisted; it didn't want to die, and it tried to let me know that. The match was exhilarating.  
I knew it was mine when I felt the bones crack. I crushed harder and smelled the blood that resulted from the internal bleeding. Unable to stand the smell of food any longer, I ripped its fragile skin open and began to feed, holding my prey into submission.  
With each gulp, the frantic wildness in my heart began to calm. The worry and fear that I wouldn't be able to resist a mortal's blood began to ease. The guilt of doing what had come natural dissipated, and by the time that there was nothing but carcass left, I was stable again.  
I dropped the body and turned towards Edward. He was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Why didn't you join in?" I asked, cocking my head as the taste began to fade from my mouth.  
"Because, you needed that," he answered, satisfied. I nodded slowly, accepting that perhaps, Edward had known some things that I didn't.  
"And besides," he continued, walking on. "That bear was a little small for my tastes." I coughed, and caught up to him.  
"Small! Alright Mr. Hotshot. New Competition. We see who can catch the biggest Grizzly bear."  
Edward looked at me sideways and grinned. "You'll lose," he stated, his nose flaring as he began to scout for more of the same kind. I scowled.  
"You wish!" I looked myself. Edward grinned.  
"First one to bag three wins?" he asked, ready to get started. I nodded, the anticipation building for me as well.  
"First one to bag three before sunrise," I countered.  
He grinned. "Deal."  
I nodded, and we shook. "Deal."

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note and Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyers. I am not Little, Brown, and Co. I own nothing and all characters and references to the book series Twilight are the property of their owners. I would like to thank bronzehairedgirl who did a wonderful job as my beta, even though I took forever to finish four pages worth of fic. Thank you for reading.


End file.
